The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Author

Author:Author
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-04-22T16:00:00+00:00

The Life Stories

T HIS BOOK IS organized around the life stories of five adults raised in divorced families and several others who were raised in intact families. Each of these individuals is prototypical, carefully and thoughtfully chosen to represent the experiences of large numbers of people from similar backgrounds. Their stories are interlaced with writing that draws on current research and studies carried out at the Center for the Family in Transition, reflecting our most recent dilemmas in family law and policy. Other essays present my own formulations about growing to adulthood in a divorced or intact family, how the experiences are alike or different, and how adult expectations are forged in the crucible of family life.

In choosing to portray the whole lives of a representative few rather than brief vignettes or group data from many, I hope to capture an in-depth view of how divorce shaped and reshaped the lives of the children as they grew into adulthood. Many large-scale studies are based on census data about divorcing families and provide useful demographic information about the high incidence of divorce among the adult children of divorce, high school dropout rates, difficulties in adult relationships, and the like. But those studies all rely on structured telephone interviews or questionnaires that elicit superficial information or even mechanical responses about the inner feelings and thoughts of people. Only face-to-face interviews over many hours within the context of a trusting relationship, where the interviewer is free to follow unanticipated topics that arise in natural conversation, lead us to the human experience behind the statistics. This kind of intensive interviewing is necessarily confined to a limited number of people because it is so time consuming. But this well-known research tool is the only way to gain access into the hearts and minds of the people themselves, to understand who they are and how they view themselves and others, how they got to where they are today.

This book is organized into five parts, each of which centers on the life story of an adult who was raised in a divorced family. Each section recapitulates the life course of that individual from the time his or her parents separated to life today, twenty-five years later. Throughout these main stories I have interwoven counterpart stories or shorter vignettes drawn from the lives of adults who were raised in intact families.

Part One is about Karen, a child who takes on adult responsibilities at the breakup and continues in this caretaker role throughout her growing-up years. This experience shapes all of Karen’s adult relationships and her view of motherhood in unexpected ways. I compare her development to the life story of Gary, a young man who was raised by two parents who resolved to stay married despite their unhappiness with each other. Gary’s story addresses the question of when and whether people who are unhappy can or should stay together for the sake of their children.

Part Two is about Larry, a boy who was raised amid scenes of domestic violence.

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